Did you know that when Walker: Texas Ranger was first screened in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on safe side?
Now there is evidence he has kicked a hole in time itself.
An unknown elderly woman has been spotted talking on a mobile phone in 1928 footage of the Hollywood premiere of Charlie Chaplin’s The Circus.
The only plausible explanation for this is that Chuck Norris threw a roundhouse kick so fast it disrupted time itself, and the woman, who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, just walked through the portal this created. She’s probably still confused about why she can’t get any reception.
Before you dismiss this, keep the following facts in mind:
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and smack himself in the back of the head.
Ghosts are caused by Chuck Norris killing bad guys so fast that death cannot keep up.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Some people wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Actually, Chuck Norris really is a bit of a superman. As well as being a competent actor, genuine martial arts champion, and all around decent guy, he is a clear thinker and talented writer.
You can find his columns on Town Hall, including his latest on the extraordinary and frighteningly wasteful growth in US Federal government spending.