A group of Somali pirates attacked a French war ship near the Seychelles.

The captain of the frigate Nivose, Lieutenant Commander Jean-Marc le Quilliec, sent out commandos in small boats, with a helicopter for air support. Within minutes the pirates had surrendered.

Lieutenant Commander le Quilliec apologised profusely, explaining that contrary to French naval regulations, the frigate had been sailing without a supply of white flags.

Malcolm Turnbull is too weak to back the government’s proposed emissions trading legislation, according to hot air minister Penny Wong.

Wrong. Malcolm Turnbull has yet to be convinced that global warming theory is bankrupt. But he is showing some sense at last.

The government has been saying that the scheme must be implemented immediately, right now, this minute, because any delay would see the whole planet going to hell in a handbasket.

The Prime Minister, for example, said at the National Press Club, ‘To delay any longer would be reckless and irresponsible for our economy and for our environment.’

But it turns out it is not so urgent after all. The proposed scheme will not come into effect until 2011.

But the government still wants to ram the legislation through parliament in the next few weeks. Malcolm Turnbull is quite rightly asking why.

Someone (Chesterton?) once said that there are many ways to get something wrong, but there may be only one way to get something right.

When new laws have the potential to cripple key industries and seriously undermine an already damaged economy, and don’t come into effect for two years anyway, why not take some extra time to get them right?

By 2011, it will surely be clear (though this may be wishful thinking) even to the dimmest star in our political fiirmament, that global warming is just another in a long line of baseless and expensive scares.

And of course, some real opposition from the Opposition, instead of just ‘Yes but,’ would be nice.

In Saudi Arabia women’s gyms can only operate legally inside hospitals, where they are called health centres.  They are so expensive (over $250 per month) that only the very wealthy can afford them.

Other, cheaper gyms for women exist, but they are called  studios or beauty salons. But the Ministry of Municipal and Rural Affairs recently closed two in the Red Sea city of Jeddah and one in the city of Dammam on the Gulf Arab coast for not having a license.

Sheikh Abdullah al-Maneea, member of the official Supreme Council of Religious Scholars, explains the concern.

“Football and basketball are sports that require a lot of movement and jumping.”  He said such excessive movement may harm girls who are still virgins, possibly causing them to lose their virginity.

Am I confused, or is he?

People aren’t scared enough, according to the World Hysteria Organisation.

A spokeperson says the WHO may raise the global pandemic alert level to six – the highest possible.

In an interview with the Spanish newspaper El Pais published Monday, WHO chief Margaret Chan implies the agency might raise the level to 6, but cautions that “Level 6 does not mean…we are coming near to the end of the world.” Without that explanation, Chan worries, raising to level 6 could cause “unnecessary panic.”

And of course, WHO doesn’t want unneccessary panic, just enough to make sure people take them seriously and give them lots of money.

But if you get to level six for a flu that has killed maybe 20 people, and which does not appear to be any more infectious or dangerous than any normal flu outbreak, what are you going to do when something dangerous really does come along?

And why would you expect anyone to take you seriously then?

That’s what the headline says: 3 Abus surrender, undergo grilling. That is, three members of terrorist organisation Abu Sayyaf have surrendered, and are assisting with investigations.

Philippine officials say they expect to ‘extract information’ from the three terrorists about the whereabouts of hostage Eugenio Vagni. I can only hope no caterpillars are being used.

Meanwhile, other sources say Vagni is about be released, because of ‘continuing government negotiations.’

Which negotiations, as I noted before, have been of the ‘No we don’t want to talk to you. Just give him back or we will hunt you down’  kind.

There’s always another reason to panic.

According to Alzheimers Australia, we are facing an avalanche of dementia. If avalanche is not scary enough, try ‘dementia tsunami’, a reference to the ageing baby boomers who are living longer but who are increasingly needing care in the home and sometimes outside the home.

Those blasted aging baby boomers again. I won’t be able to afford a new iPod because of them. And I’ve had enough of last month’s model. It’s so unfair.

The former New South Wales deputy premier, John Watkins, is now head of Alzheimer’s Australia in that state. He says the Government must act now to address the huge financial impact that dementia will have on the economy. “It’s an extraordinary situation we are facing, Australia has never faced a social health issue like the threat of dementia before.”

Nope. Never had a threat like this one before. Not until next week, anyway.